Saying Goodbye to Facebook (part 1)

Some posts ago, I had mentioned that God had been exposing sin in my life and bringing me to a place of brokenness, healing, and growth.  I had wanted to blog about my giving up of Facebook for a while now, but I always found something else to occupy my time with, and quite frankly I feared the judgement/opinions of others.  But the more I thought about it, the more I felt like my struggle with Facebook was not uncommon to men.  I think that there are actually lots of people out there who have lived on Facebook for the wrong reasons, or who have let their usage get out of hand, and who might actually benefit from taking a break.  When wrongly used, Facebook can play a huge role in the following: discontentment, waste of time, gossip, comparison, jealousy, bragging, pride, disappointment, hurt, busyness, and most importantly the replacement of your time with God.        

So today I hope to be a little vulnerable and share another instance of brokenness I experienced not too long ago.

Earlier during February, my friend Laura and I had decided to be disciplined with our use of Facebook by limiting ourselves to only 5 minutes a day, and holding each other accountable.  We had both thought that it would be smart to set boundaries while not giving it up completely.  However, thoughts of "maybe I should just completely fast from Facebook" would come to my mind occasionally.  I had previously fasted from Facebook for 6 weeks during a class project, and I knew that it was not that easy to give up.  So I didn't want to give it up just yet for many reasons, one being my mom's upcoming birthday (Feb 27th).  I had wanted to post a photo of both of us, wishing her a happy birthday and writing her a cute message.  But God had other plans, and was at work in different ways.  On the Saturday prior to my mother's birthday I stumbled upon a blog called "A Mom Without A Facebook." The author Heather had embarked on a journey of leaving Facebook for a whole year.  I read her story and felt inspired, but I still didn't feel like I could give up Facebook completely, I wasn't ready.  The thought definitely passed through my mind, but there was too much that I didn't want to give up.  The next day (during my 5 minutes) I saw a post from a friend where she wished her mother a happy birthday, wrote a sweet message, and uploaded a picture of them (exactly what I had thought of doing for my mom).  My first thought was, "darn, it's going to look like I'm copying her, maybe I'll save my b-day post for next year." That's when it started hitting me - I needed to fast from Facebook, my motives weren't right! The next morning at work (Feb 25) I kept thinking about it, and hearing the words, "beloved, give it up"in my head; the Lord began to expose a sin in my life which was holding me captive.  I had thought earlier, "you know what, I shouldn't care if people think I'm copying my friend, I'm just going to post it regardless." Then in that moment, the Lord revealed my motive: I wasn't making that post about honoring my mother, I was excited to receive comments and likes for making such a sweet post.  It was all about me! My image, my popularity, my desire to be liked and recognized, and feeling special.  You see, I had been finding my identity in numbers and superficial relationships.  Who cared about how many friends I had on Facebook when I felt so alone, who cared about comments & likes, and how much other people were liked on Facebook; that's not where I should find my identity.             

All this had been on my heart all day at work, I felt the urge to run away into God's presence; I wanted to weep in His arms and confess, and weep some more.  So I did! I went home, made dinner, washed the dishes, and then I went to my bedroom, locked the door, turned the lights off, and just bowed before my Heavenly Father.  I wept over my sins, I confessed, I cried out to God in complete brokenness. I felt so unworthy, so selfish as more sins in my life were exposed.  I realized that I had been trying to increase while leaving God behind, I had been so far away from decreasing so that He might increase.  I had been trying to glorify myself and be of importance in other's eyes.  So in complete abandonment I fell before the Lord, begged for forgiveness and asked for strength.  After praying, I grabbed a blanket and cuddled up by the bed on the floor while I listened to worship songs.  "None but Jesus" came in perfect timing, I wept some more as I sang those words of surrender to God.  Another song that  truly spoke to me was "Embracing Accusations," about the devil singing the same old song over me.  I realized that I was feeling broken, defeated, unworthy, and that the devil was singing over me.  But just like that was true, the next few words came in power, "he's forgotten the refrain, Jesus saves!" In that moment I wept for joy, I was laughing and thanking God at the same time.  My feelings of defeat and worthlessness disappeared with those words: Jesus saves! He is victorious over my sin, Hallelujah! I am a new creation- loved by my savior, saved by grace.  For as we repent, I don't think that it is God's desire for us to linger in our guilt, but rather He wants us to repent and find freedom through His grace. 

What a wonderful night I shall never forget, I was full, my cup overflowed.  My Father is good, oh how I love Him!         

Part 2 coming soon...